Why are Christians supposed to be so happy....

It took me ten months after I lost Wyatt to open the Bible and read it. Really read it. Not just following along with the Pastor on Sundays. I believe that that was partly due to the grief process but also trying to sludge my way through a graduate program that I no longer care about. For a year I've asked everyone questions about God, prayer, and if being a believer actually makes a difference. No one has been able to sufficiently give rest to my questions so, for me, the Bible was the last place to search. It's interesting that in writing that last sentence it's apparent that it should have been the first place I looked.

In my reading I have jumped around a little, but I find the New Testament most important to me at this time. I'm not sure what I expected would happen when I read the Bible but I have received an amazing peace about it. I can't even point out a specific passage that I can show you and say "This was it. This answered my questions".  The apostles have a way of writing that shuts down my doubt and questioning. They are very point blank. Jesus came. He suffered greatly for us because God loves us. We should worship God because we were not and are not worthy of that sacrifice. We are fallen but God saved us anyway. So love God and love one another. Period. I was happy to discover (unlike so many textbooks) that there is no fluff in the Bible. Everything serves a purpose. If I still "what ifs" after the important and urgent message that the apostles give us, then my "what ifs" don't need to be addressed. I don't need to know why. I recently had surgery to correct the horrible cesarean we had to save Wyatt. Instead of being a healing experience, it has left the door open for yet another impending surgery. Why has this happened to me? Why can't God cut me a little bit of slack, certainly we've had enough for one year. Last week I found myself feeling less than loved by our creator so I took the Bible and sat down with a notebook. All of complicated feelings come down to one basic question: Do I believe in God? I wrote it at the top of a page. I cannot look at everything in this world and believe it was an accident. I also cannot believe that humans do not have meaning, so yes, I will always believe in God. If I believe in God and Jesus then it comes down to another very simple idea. I have to believe what the Bible says. It doesn’t matter if I don’t feel loved or if I can’t see God working in my life. He says it so it is true. I can’t be like a liberal and pick and choose the commandments that I will follow (you knew I’d throw that in!). I will pray because God says to. I will worship Him because I know how faulty I am and yet he saved me anyway. I would not have given Wyatt’s life for anyone else and God gave Jesus for all of us. So it is interesting that what stopped my questions were not answers after all. It was just God.

All of this left me with wandering how Christians are expected to be happy through a life that is so hard. The Bible says we have victory but I don’t see any Christians on earth having more victory than anyone else. Some of my dearest Christian friends have gone through more suffering than most people I know- Tyler and I included. If Christians are God’s people then why do we have to put up with the crap that we do. Let me illustrate this further:
The news this morning spoke of a sculpture of the Ten Commandments in front of a courthouse in Florida that had been ordered to be removed. Everyone in the community was fighting to keep it since everyone in the town wanted it there. It was the American Civil Liberties Union that was having it removed. Don’t you love them? How about the cross that was left standing at Ground Zero that is also being fought against to keep it out of the new Freedom Tower? What about those of us who suffer miscarriages and are spoken to about the “content of our uterus”? Even though it’s not offensive us moms who knew it was a baby, no one will say it. It’s truly exhausting. I want to rest in the Lord like he instructs us to do, but I still long to see some Christian victories on earth. That’s ok, isn’t it?

Aside from receiving peace for my doubts, I also began to understand one other important thing. It all depends on how you look at earth. Since it is all that we see and feel and touch, it is very important to us. God gives us glimpses of the other side so that we can have hope, but earth can still seem much more real. Largely I feel that it remains a mystery to many. That might be why you see thieves shaking before they are hanged and serial killers weep before they are injected. We fear the unknown. Or we fear what we knew but ignored. This life might seem long to us (I know when you’re in physical pain it feels like an eternity) but it’s really so short. It’s nothing. That is hard to wrap our minds around but it’s true. Fashions come and go. Our cars and homes that we are so proud of fail us. Our Ipads are already outdated. Everything that we try desperately to enjoy will be gone before we know it. But eternity is forever. I don’t pretend to understand how long eternity even is. My simple human mind cannot grasp it. But I do know it is exceedingly longer than our lives here on earth. And then what? All the politics, all the protesting, everything that we fight our way through life for…….then what? And its’ that moment that is so crucial, the “then what” moment. Because that’s when followers of Jesus have victory. That doesn’t seem like a big deal if earth is a big deal. But if I realize that earth is not what’s important than the moment of victory is a big deal. God wins in the end, whether someone believes there is an end or not. Because Jesus suffered for me, I can see my son again one day. Earthly struggles don’t last forever so not matter what I’m going through now, there will be an end. This isn’t it. It’s not all there is. That’s why Christians can be happy. I can lose my son. I can be in physical pain. I can fight my way through an increasingly anti-Jesus population, but this is not the end. I have victory because of Jesus. So why not give it all I have now for God? In this short amount of time I have here on earth, why not make a difference? Some lyrics at church last week stuck out to me. It said “Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause. As I walk from earth into eternity”. That’s just it. We are all on our way to eternity, with every breath that we take. So I am determined to spend the rest of my life living for Him. What that looks like, I will figure out as I go! After all, it’s the least I can do.