I’m not usually in line with
sharing personal financial information, but in light of our recent fundraising
I feel obligated to share a few things. I think it’s important for everyone to
know how impossible this situation
was for Tyler and I and also for everyone to understand how big God is in
comparison to this problem.
Throughout the past few months
Tyler and I had been preparing for international adoption. When we decided to
do this in February we looked at the prices and laughed. We asked, “How are we going
to do this?” Yet we felt so strongly that
this is what we were supposed to be doing that we literally stepped out in
blind faith. We had started the mounds of paperwork and were paying as we went.
The program we were looking at allowed you to pay the total cost of the
adoption over the span of a year or more so we were just paying in tiny chunks,
one paycheck at a time. Even then the total cost was one-third of what it would
take to adopt Melvin.
A little over a year ago we had
started our own “financial boot camp” that would get us out of debt in a year
and a half. Then I had a surgery. Then I had another surgery. That put us back
another year into our boot camp regime.
We had two credit cards, one maxed out and one paid off and closed. When
we learned of baby “Melvin” we looked into adoption loans just to see what the
options were out there. There were none that we could find that went above $8k
and no bank in their right mind was going to give out an unsecured loan for
$19k. Aside from those two facts we knew taking on a loan that size would be
devastating. If this was God’s plan it sure didn’t include us going into more debt. That’s just not God’s way.
Looking at this situation it is
easy to see how truly impossible getting this money was. After we got the phone
call regarding “Melvin” I remained more confused than anything. We knew we
didn’t have the money and yet we received this call in the most unlikely of
circumstances. It was too much of a coincidence to ignore it and yet it was too
impossible to move forward. God was written all over this but I just couldn’t
wrap my mind around the purpose or what I was supposed to do about it. We
started thinking of the famous verse, “With man this is impossible, but with
God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26 ).
Everyone knows that verse. I daresay those who aren’t even Christians know that
verse. We like to quote it and write it in Hallmark cards to make people feel
more optimistic about their circumstances. It’s the level of belief behind that
verse that’s always been difficult for me. At this point it went back to my
belief ladder. I believe in God, therefore I believe what Scripture says, and
Scripture says that with God all things
are possible. I chuckled
to myself, okay God. Whatever you say.
Thursday we were called about baby
“Melvin”. Friday we went to visit him, wondering what in the world was going
on. Friday night we sat together pondering and praying. Interestingly I loaded
a Francis Chan sermon on my computer. I have started doing this a lot lately.
It turns out that Sunday sermons aren’t enough for me. I’ll take a good
preaching from Craig Groeschel, Francis Chan, or Andy Stanley any day of the
week. Usually I just can’t get enough. I randomly picked a Francis sermon off
of You Tube and sat on the couch watching it. The title had something to do
with the purpose of your life so I thought it might offer clarity. What he
said, however, has changed my pattern of thinking from that night forward. He
quoted Isaiah 40:22, “He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its
people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and
spreads them out like a tent to live in”. He proceeded to preach about how many
times do we pray and ask God to be present? Interesting. Tyler and I just spent
the entire day asking God to be here with us, to be present with us right now,
that this time we really needed Him to be here. But we’ve got it all wrong. God
sits above the circle of the earth and we are like small insects. Our greatest
scientists marvel at the expanse of the universe and yet God is up there
stretching them out with His hands. This is His dominion. This is His universe.
This is His party and we’re welcome to join Him if we want to. To spend our
time praying for Him to pretty please
show up is silly. This is not our life or our world that God needs to stop what
He’s doing and come join our situation. The world fell into being because He said so and everything that has happened
since has been in His control. Tyler and I realized that we didn’t need to
stress out about this situation. We didn’t need to ask how or why. This was
God’s party and all we had to do was join Him in His will and we would never go
wrong. So we prayed for His will. If this baby was ours and it was His will
than it would happen. Looking at it like that took all of the pressure off. Do
any of us believe that God’s will cannot happen? No, of course not. Money or no
money we wanted whatever God wanted. We just spent the night praying, “Whatever
you want, God.” It was tempting at times to try and add a “by the way we don’t
have any money” or “God, I’m not sure I can handle certain things…” but that
is, of course, defeating the purpose of desiring His will. He knew our hearts.
He knew our lives better than we knew it ourselves. Thinking of everything in
these terms it was very easy to just hand this situation over to Jesus.
Saturday we called some dear
friends back in Idaho
Dear
Friends,
Many of you know the journey
that Tyler and I have been on in the past few years. You all know about our
wonderful Wyatt we lost at 28 weeks after birth. I try and keep things updated
via my blog but things have been changing so fast for us that it has been
difficult.
After losing Wyatt we were
immediately called to adoption through a sermon at our church. My heart was not
ready at that point. For the next 18 months Tyler and I would talk on and off
about it, explore the option and dismiss it. Last January we finally felt
called to start the process. Tyler and I have spent the past six months
researching adoptions, countries, orphans, special needs children, attachment
disorders, and simply how to raise an adopted child. Lately we have been very
close to a little girl in Thailand Nevada
“We have a little boy here,
locally. He was born prematurely and the mother signed away her rights and
left. We were wondering if you were interested.”
“How premature was he?”
“28 weeks. He’s in the NICU and
he’s doing well. We just need parents for him. He needs people to hold him.”
Tyler and I were in the car and
began crying, thinking of our Wyatt and 28 weeks and the irony of this
situation. We were on an international placement track and had an international
home study. We received this call over other families in the area who were on
the domestic waiting list. We agreed to go visit the NICU the next day.
We met the doctors and nurses
who were working with “Melvin”, the name he was assigned because he does not
have one. So far he is doing well. A very minor brain bleed, he was on regular
room oxygen, and hadn’t had intestinal issues. He is 32 weeks gestational age
so he still has a long way to go; at least 5 or 6 weeks in the NICU. Long term,
who knows? He may be fine. He may be special needs. But then again, we were
already prepared for that. I got to rock him in the NICU and it seemed to calm
him right down. The nurses informed us we were the first people to hold him in
his three weeks of life. They also referred to us as ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ which was
very hard for us. We just didn’t expect that. One nurse even said, “He’s got
mom’s eyes.” All of the comments were too much as I stroked his hair (he’s got
a lot!) and smelled his baby scents. This was not expected at all. 24 hours ago
we were on our way to Thailand
As we rocked Melvin we spoke
with the social worker from the agency. She told us that we could be “placed”
with him next week, that they were eager to get him a family. It was all very
easy; they just need $19,410 by Monday. Maybe Wednesday. Tyler and I were
shocked. All the international programs had much lower costs than that and we
were expecting a year to be able to pay it all. We don’t have the money.
Bonding with Melvin became very hard from that point on. I just kept looking at
his silky head thinking, “I can’t afford you.”
Tyler and I talked the whole
drive home. Why would this happen? It’s so surreal, the timing so precise. We
have no money and God knows that. Is this supposed to shove us closer to
international kids? That doesn’t seem likely. Is this our boy? How can that be?
Is this supposed to draw us away from international lists and get us to focus
on a local baby, just not this one? We decided by the time we arrived home that
if we try to figure out the complexities of God that we’ll make ourselves
dizzy. Our situation was very cloudy so we reached out to our former Pastor and
his wife, Paul and Angela Hatfield. Sometimes a third party perspective from a
good source is healing and clarifying all in one. They also felt that this was
God, loud and clear. God is bigger than $19,410. So we are going to step out in
faith. We’ve said a tentative ‘yes’ to Melvin (we won’t keep the name Melvin,
FYI) and that we’d have their money. We have no idea if this will work but I’m
getting the word out to everyone we know. Can we raise this money in three
days? Can we allow God to complete this? If this is His work, we have to
believe that this will be the most amazing story ever. If you feel so called,
please support us in our journey with baby Melvin. If you feel so called,
please support us in your prayers.
Seeking Him,
Tyler and
Kylee Stef
Contributions
go to:
Premier
Adoption Agency 7646
Harney Peak Street
590 W. Mesquite Blvd. Las Vegas , NV 89166
Suite, 202B
Phone:
(702)346-4922
To get them
in by the deadline, it may have to be done over the phone or checks mailed overnight.
It’s a huge inconvenience. We appreciate you more than you know.
This letter was posted on Saturday. We
anxiously waited over the weekend to see what would happen on Monday…
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